no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
Randomize
