she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Randomize
