he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Randomize
