Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
