John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
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