Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
I think a kid would responsible me up
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
Randomize
