Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Randomize
