I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
Randomize
