1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
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If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
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