Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
Randomize
