Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
