I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
Can Purell be used as lube?
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
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