It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
Randomize
