my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
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