o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
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