me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
Randomize
