I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
I wish life had little blips of pornography
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
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