that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity