whjeg hajt iyt
wanna hang out?
Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating