Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
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There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
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Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.