i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster