Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
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