Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
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