is swine flu sexually transmttd?
Ha no, why?
sriously ive never had a hangovr this bad
Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
God I need to hump something, right now.
Randomize
