There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
Randomize
