I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
Randomize
