girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
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