I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
