I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
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