sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
Randomize
