I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
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