I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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