so that wasnt chicken after all
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
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saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
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