I'm really into asian looking animals
oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
Hippo gnu deer
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
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