If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
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