ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
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Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Randomize
