I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
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