the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
Randomize
