Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
Randomize
