I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
I'm experimenting with sincerity
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
Randomize
