I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
found the other keg... it's in the tree
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
Randomize
