Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
Randomize
