Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
Randomize
