Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Randomize
