If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
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