you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
Randomize
