do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
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