I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
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