so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
My vagina just clenched in fear
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
I need mimosas to revive my soul
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