First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
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