I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
I queefed so loud it echoed.
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
Randomize
