toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
Is Oprah even human
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Randomize
