i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
Randomize