my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
