oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
