I never want to see another naked old woman again.
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
I have surprise drugs for everyone
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
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