I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
