I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
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