4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
Randomize
