Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
That's how pantless uber rides happen
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
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