dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
Randomize
