apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
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Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
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I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
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