It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
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