u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
Randomize
