well I can't set my house on fire every night
i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
the condom got lost in my hair
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
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