After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
No subtext here. People are naked.
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
Randomize
