We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
Randomize
