I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
Randomize
