Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
