Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
Randomize
