Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Randomize
