My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
Randomize