Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
