apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
Randomize
