im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
Randomize
