i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
Randomize
